How to Handle Sexual Temptation in Marriage
“There he is – my soul mate – the only one in the world for me.”
“If I can’t have it, I will never find someone else; he’s the only one who suits me.”
Ever heard someone say something similar? The truth: there are many people in the world that you can love.
In the first marriage, you might think that you will never be attracted to others. All your life you will meet interesting people. Someone will appear at work or in your social life that makes you think, “Hmmm, I want to know what he looks like?” Or he. How do you react? With Guilt? “Something is wrong with me. I married happily. I shouldn’t feel this way.”
Questioning the power of your marriage? “If I’m really happy this won’t happen.”
What happens next? What does this mean? “Now you have a choice.
• Do not admit sexual attraction.
• Talk about your interests; set ground rules.
• Dive into deeper relationships and see what happens. It plays with fire, risking painful sins and serious damage to your marriage.
Reflect on these questions: Is there something wrong with your marriage if you are interested in other people? Is it wrong if you don’t follow up?
“Someone does not choose to be attracted to others, only.
I think there is a degree of romance in that; people in other cultures build happy lives with people in arranged marriages.
Your radar is dead in terms of seeing other possibilities and opportunities.
“In plain friendship, if you find yourself attracted to other people, there is no reason to pack your laptop and leave.”
• Do other people always flatter you, never criticize you? You may be at risk of responding to it incorrectly.
• Do others become dependent on you? That’s a sign that the relationship can be unhealthy.
• Do other people complain to you about their partner, about being lonely or unhappy? Not a good sign.
• Does physical contact become flirtatious?
• Do you idealize the person, compare it to your partner? The comparison can endanger you.
• Are you busy with that person?
• Do you fantasize about sexual experiences? That’s where you are actually susceptible, Research says that fantasy becomes practice.
If the pieces of this puzzle fall into place in a dangerous way, it’s time to limit relationships. The first step is to admit to yourself that the temptation is there. It’s difficult. We are all too relaxed about lying to ourselves and creating a big moral gap; you have to be honest with yourself and say, This is a problem. There are only a few choices.
• Create strict limits. Where will we meet each other, how often, what will we and won’t we talk about?
• Please be careful. If it is a dependent relationship, talking about it can open up a whole nest of problems. You can only act alone.
• Talking with a counselor or pastor can help. They can help sort out and set your boundaries and help with guilt problems. A person who feels neglected will activate his radar and will likely detect any love points on the horizon.
• Sexual temptation is this extraordinary opportunity to improve the quality of life.
• The temptation presents choices-first is to choose something good – monogamous relations. The other is choosing something bad.
• Look at the rejection of temptation as a three-legged bench.
• Round one: healthy spiritual choices. I suspect that some people respond to temptation with prayer. But that’s what we are advised to do – wear God’s armor.
• Round two: emotions.
• Round three: behavior.
Can men and women ever have truly platonic friendships? I think most of the time we spend with the opposite sex can be platonic. If we assume that all interactions between men and women are sexual, we must all be on the veranda somewhere!
If temptation arises, deal with it in a healthy and reasonable way and it can be lost and never become a problem in that friendship again.
One final point: if the temptation has knocked on your door, maybe it’s time to say honestly, “I think we need to see our marriage; I want to do some work and try some things for marriage renewal. That can ultimately benefit the marriage relationship.
Every three months we seem to know other celebrities caught sexual cheating with their partners. Saying adultery is an epidemic in our culture today is an understatement. And that doesn’t seem to respect the position. Sexual cheating is in our midst.
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Infidelity: a price tag that you can’t afford
We have a reality show, Fraudsters, designed to express distrust and exploit insults on national television. The fact that this series is in the 14th season is an indictment against us. We live in a very sad era.
I have seen firsthand the destruction of adultery. Sexual cheating destroys relationships and destroys dreams. Your boss is handsome, a cute office secretary or neighbors who are hot on the road have an unreachable price tag.
14 things you need to know about sexual cheating
1. You will be a liar.
2. You will be found out. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Your world will collapse upon you. Everyone likes to share interesting news. Your bad decision will be public as a billboard.
3. You will disappoint everyone. Every one. Your partner is your friend, god, parents, niece, child and your co-worker. The disappointment that you cause will be like a skunk smell and take a long time to get rid of the smell.
4. You will be a bad example. In everything we do, we are good examples or bad examples.
Sexual cheating communicates to everyone that you take the easy path, that you are willing to take shortcuts in your main relationship. It reveals that you don’t want to do hard work and get the help you need. Nobody has ever admired a cheater. Nobody looked at an adulterer. Remember that this bad thing can erase everything.
5. You will lose your moral authority. “Do what I say, not as I do” is the fastest way to lose respect from others.
You will lose your respect and the respect of others. Every moral judgment you make in the future will be weighed against your past adultery actions. That doesn’t mean you can’t speak the truth in the future, it just means that some people will not listen to you.
6. You will create a problem of trust for your partner. Forever and ever. You alone will damage the precious self-esteem of the person you promised to love. Every relationship he has after you will be one that they strive to believe. For children, their parent relationship is their anchor – and sexual cheating to cut the line.
7. You will lose your standard of living. Depending on what you do to make a living, you might lose your job. Many lost their homes. A betrayed couple has a way to make you pay and the payment is always expensive. Every check you write is a reminder of your ignorance.
8. You will spend many years trying to recreate your life. Literally for many years and took years to rebuild trust.
9. You will lose contact. Lifelong friends will leave. Close friends that you have helped many times will not be there to help you. Even some family members who should love you don’t care what will be lost. A cheater can end up living a very lonesome life. It is difficult for many people who usually call their friends to get past the scent of disappointment.
10. You will increase your chances of getting STD. Rampant sexually transmitted diseases among promiscuous people. And if there is one thing we all know – we can trust the cheater and his words. As the saying goes, “There is honor among thieves.” One thought that helps might be to assume that everyone except your partner has a PMS. It must curb your appetite for destruction.
11. The thought of “greener grass” is a widespread fallacy.
You will see the plot of land differently. You will have a strange desire for the green grass that you leave behind . . . except now it’s burned and won’t let you back. The perfect way to take pleasure in green grass is to water your own backyard.
12. Do you want this to be done for you? If we all live with the Golden Rule (“Treat other people the way you want to be treated”) most life problems will be solved overnight. Think of this action as if it were done for you.
13. You will ultimately regret this decision. It feels good and sometimes even feels right. That feeling is deceptive. Immediately after, your eyes will open and you will regret that you have eaten the forbidden fruit. Have you forgotten that we all have plenty of doubts about our lives?
14. The pain exceeds the benefits. No one has ever said from his death bed, “If only I had an affair.” No one loses good friends and likes to have one less Christmas card to receive each year. The loss is immeasurable. The pain can be unbearable. The whole kingdom can be lost for a few minutes of pleasure.
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The 14 points above come from the experiences from one of my friends. Needless to say, according to him, it is the most difficult series of conversations he has ever had in his life. There is no pain like watching your loved one sobbing because of your selfish actions. In one year, he has lost everything valuable to him.