Helpful Advice for Surviving a Breakup
A relationship commences when two individuals come together and find harmony between them. It grows roots from mutual attraction and develops into a commitment. Some couples continue with the relationship for months, years or even decades and find themselves contented in the arms of each other.
The base of relationship is love. It is the most basic and crucial part of togetherness. A man and a woman share a relationship because of the love they have for each other and because of that love, they are ready to live their lives together, forever. Everything is fine while love is there. But at times, love just isn’t enough. Regrettably, most relationships did not live long. Surviving a break up can be one of the difficult things you have to do.
Table of Content
2. Helpful Advice for Surviving a Breakup
3. How to Survive Infidelity
4. Warning Signs of Wife unfaithfulness And How to Catch The treachery
5. Infidelity – Caught In The Act
6. Infidelity Discovered? 10 Ways to Calm Your Powerful Feelings
7. How to recover from Infidelity
Most relationships come to an end due to any of the following, or a variation of the following: infidelity, mistrust, disparities, and loss of love.
Breaking up with someone is typically difficult to do. Nevertheless, coping with a breakup is often even harder.
A breakup doesn’t indicate your world, or your life for that issue is going to end. Surviving a breakup is a hard task, but you, like many others before you, will pull round.
There aren’t really any set in stone rules when it comes to coping with a breakup, but a few pieces of advice may be useful for you to totally recover from your broken heart.
Accept it’s over. There is no way you are going to advance if you fail to accept that things between you and your partner are over.4 Do not act as if it’s still the both of you when it really isn’t. The very initial step in enduring a breakup is acceptance. Admit the fact that you are no longer loyal to the person and you just have to continue with your life.
Let it go. It is fairly logical that you will still hang on to the memories of you and your partner and that you will still suffer the love in your heart. At times, you just ought to do everything in your power to let the love go. You have already accepted the fact that it’s over between the both of you and it will really be harmful to you to just stay in love with the other person. No one-sided relationships ever worked.
Get busy. You shouldn’t deal with your emotions every time. You cannot continue to spend the rest of your days thinking on how your partner broke it off with you; or how cheerful you were with the other person. Find something to do so that you can keep your mind off the situation. Coping with a breakup requires you to focus on other things apart from your recent loss. Renew the hobbies you have always loved doing on your own. You shouldn’t do anything that will make you remind of your ex.
Love yourself. This will make you have self-respect and self-love once more before you begin a brand new relationship. You will pass the test of surviving a breakup if you learn to love yourself better than you did earlier. Besides, you will discover that finding a new love will not only be of little concern to you, but you’ll also be twice as attractive to the opposite sex as you ever have been.
How to Survive Infidelity
Learning about your partner’s affair is one of the most life-changing experiences you’ll ever have to deal with. The first physical and mental pain can be more than many people feel they can tolerate.
Olabisi found that the shock left her feeling entirely suicidal, in such a situation that she just couldn’t see an end to the furious emotions of sheer hatred, disgrace, defeat, and hopelessness. She couldn’t imagine surviving the infidelity.
“After months of trying to come to terms with the shock of my husband make a clean breast of having an affair, I tried to face up to the confession and move on with my life but I just couldn’t recover from the feelings of hate, shock, anger, fear and absolute betrayal.
I really hated my husband, the other woman and I for what had become of our marriage. Every now and then, I feel like slaying him at once and trying to know why he had done it in the first place. In fact, I didn’t know the next thing to do or where to turn. I had no idea as to whether I should save my marriage or not but I was completely not ready for life on my own.
I was alone, half dead, sheer humiliated, defeated and disappointed and found I just couldn’t move on without looking for help and learning that there was a way to move on with my life and get my marriage back on track”
Because of the emotional breaker which infidelity puts couples through, talking about the details in the initial stage only strengthens the negative feelings that they already have. It will help neither the cheater nor the cheated partner to deal with the situation nor will it help you move forward.
The first conversation will always be the most complex one when it’s so easy for things to get completely out of hand. If the marriage is to be saved both partners need to be emotionally ready, reasonable and calm. It will be naive to expect spouses to be able to work together in the early days when neither party is able to enter into any form of normal discussion.
The embittered partner will want urgent answers to why the incident occurred, if they cherished the individual they were having an affair with, did it mean anything and how long it had been going on. They will want to know why they weren’t enough, was it the only one and will doubt if they can trust their spouse again. They need to take control of these emotions before they enter into any form of dialogue and before they can make any advancement towards surviving infidelity or even halfway consider trying to save the marriage.
Most people go to marriage counselors scared, not knowing what to do, incapable to get the images of their spouse in someone else’s bed out of their mind, not knowing if their partner still loves them and emotion completely worthless and insecure. They must get over that initial problem before they can progress, start piecing everything together and even think about trying to rebuild the marriage. What is said and done in those initial stages is significant to surviving infidelity and will form the basis of any new relationship which develops.
Many people do not have the ability to work through their problems without getting emotional and cannot get further than what has happened in the past so cannot look to the future. It is so simple in the early discussions when the most helpful work towards recovering the relationship has to be done, to get sucked into conflicts over what has happened. It is not easy to push emotional feelings to one side and quietly discuss such treachery.
However, after the early shock and once feelings have calmed down the most crucial thing to do is to discuss, listen and try and understand what has happened, why it happened and how to move ahead. Only after some kind of consideration have occurred can the embittered partner even think about any kind of forgiveness, but if early contact is controlled, and approached in the right way, not jumping in with all guns blazing, marriages can and often do survive infidelity and become stronger because of it.
That is why spending time learning how to control your emotions and trying to understand the situation from your partner’s point of view is essential if you want to save your marriage.
It is at this stage that you will realize why the affair happened if it meant anything and what problems there were in your relationship. It is not until everything go out of control that the couples should begin to try to put right what has gone wrong and go on with their lives.
As with most marital issues communication and understanding is vital to surviving infidelity.
Warning Signs of Wife Infidelity And How To Catch The Treachery
Definition of Infidelity
According to the dictionary, infidelity means the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. Simply put, it means that your girlfriend /wife or your boyfriend/husband could be cheating on you for someone else. No marriage, notwithstanding how rich, religious, political or powerful, is invulnerable to the threat of infidelity, so say experts who give advice on how to endure infidelity.
Infidelity in a marriage or in a relationship is a bitter pill to swallow. Not just because we attempt to make our relationships blossom and survive in an all-challenging world, but because no one, including you, can live along successfully with this lie! Infidelity in a relationship can happen to anybody!
Relationship infidelity is brutal and shows no compassion to the one left out in the cold. It doesn’t really matter if you are attached or married, it is a sign of the worst harm to your life and soul which is yet to unleash to the unexpecting you. This cheating infidelity is emblematic of having your deepest fears and doubts exposed.
Do you aware that there was an opinion poll conduct to the Americans during the President Clintons intern scandal? These infidelity data got were quite alarming.
22 % of men and 14% of women confessed to having extramarital affairs or infidelity adultery outside their marriage sometime in the past.
About 60% of men and 40% of women will have extramarital affair at some point in some marriages, according to Monogamy Myth, Therapist Peggy Vaugn.
5 % of married men and 3% of married women reported engaged in sex with somebody other than their partner in a sexual infidelity survey conduct in 1997.
17 % divorces in the United State of America are caused by marital infidelity.
Is your partner engaging in an extramarital affair at the time of reading this?
If you were to confront your partner straight on, it will surely endanger your current relationship. Regardless of what kind of hardship you are passing through right now, suspecting your partner of relationship infidelity, there are always better ways on how you would determine your case to be true. Definitely, there should be some ways to put your mind at rest for once and for all if you suspect that your other half is cheating you for another man.
How to catch a cheater
The following are the smart ways to detect signs of wife infidelity. Don’t forget that the future of your relationship might depend on your aptitude to spot the tattletale signs in time.
Sudden good appearance
First impressions always matter. I hope you still remember the days when you met each other, you would normally go all out to dress up, being susceptible to your attire/wardrobe, even your personal tidy up to that you would look fine in front of each other? Well, the fact that these things do happen to each if not most of us, it is often the best tattletale sign on whether your spouse is trying to impress or attract someone.
Is your partner treating you differently?
When your other half is involved with someone else, he/she will start to treat you differently from how your partner used to. Even on the subliminal level, this could be harmful to your present relationship. Therefore, it is very simple for you to pick up this shocking sign when the time comes.
A new mood of conversation?
Let’s assume your wife normally talk about cooking and spend much of her time in front of her cookery and gadgets, then suddenly you notice a gradual swing of mood in her. She now talks about clean up, talks about electronics gadget, or even start to dabble with alcoholic drinks which she never used to. Well, you can ask yourself, could there be someone else who might be manipulating her? Could the stuff that she normally talks about, places that she normally goes concern the person she’s hiding from you?
Let us tell the truth. How many of us who are working for people would like to stay in the office till wee hours than slouching ourselves in front of the TV? Your spouse would normal drives back home close to 6 pm. Eventually, at 7 pm, 9 pm, 10 or even not going back home? It is a good sign that your partner working habits will definitely change as her affair unfolds. Watch out for work-related telltale signs.
Just as unfaithfulness cost your spouse money, it may as at the same time, causing your spouse time. Don’t forget that we are all granted by God only 24 hours a day. So don’t be surprised that your spouse would try to steal the time away from you just to be with her lover.
Traveling for business is the common excuses for the cheating partners and being the best get away from you. Although your spouse may truly go on business traveling, it is usually the best practice to afford a cheating partner an opportunity to literally sway away from you.
Telephone conversion behavior
Typically illegal affairs normally take place through the phone. Many stupid lovers take the risk of calling their partners at home or having their partners call them at home. Much to my surprise, most husbands ended up discovering their spouses’ infidelity either directly or indirectly by the telephone.
Your dwindling sex life
Let us face reality. The moment your spouse goes after her secret lover, do you think she might be interested in you? What more about having sex with you? God knows how handsome the secret lover to her. So it’s important for you to be on alert for any kind of changes or frequency of your sex life together.
Smell like an animal!
Every person has his or her own special smell or taste. Initially, you might not notice it, but when the time comes, you would feel absolutely different smell or taste. keep in mind that each lover out there would do whatever possible to make their first impression better? It might be their bodily smell or fragrance which may attract to each other which is the reason behind the change of smell. Friendly advice, be on close guard. This is a warning sign for you.
Invasion of your home:
It is rather common for your spouse to end up with her partner in your home. When this happens, take note of all the items or belongings which were left behind. Scour and collect these crucial proof everywhere in your house that you could possibly imagine.
Gifts but not from you?
From time to time, you would end up finding gifts which were not from you. Look out for these tattletale signs particularly close to Valentine’s Day or Christmas. If the gift is not from you, then who bought it for her?
All of a sudden you notice that your spouse having an interest in surfing the internet. What else does this mean when she is using more emails than she is talking to you? Chances are this may as well be a sign of the involvement of her online or cyber affair. Please take this seriously because most of the time these affairs can be detrimental to your marriage. Emotional attachment can be extremely strong and could progress from a cyber affair to physical reality.
A sudden spike of handphone bills.
With the arrival of technology development in telecommunications, it’s no wonder that life has been easier for you and your spouse to communicate at any point in time. However, this could also be a great chance for your partner to stay in touch with her secret lover.
The physical evidence waiting to be found.
Most of the time, the physical evidence indication of your lover’s secret life can be easily found by you. When your spouse is not available, check her handbags, her mobile phone, her purse, drawers, or any other kind of place you could think of. Open your eyes widely. Luckily, you might find yourself a new set of physical proof of infidelity you can find.
How would your spouse behave in the presence of others?
Studies and reports have pointed out that nearly all men will have an affair with somebody he already knows, either from the women he usually comes in contact with or even business associates. Try to be vigilant, as at times your partner may behave oddly in front of these people.
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Another sign you will notice about your partner is persistent nagging regarding any little thing you say or do. He/she would be accusing you of wrongdoing. Nothing you say or do that will be right. This is one of the common signs to watch out for.
Infidelity – Caught In The Act
Trust is a crucial element of any relationship. But, the moment that trust has been abused, it will be very difficult to rebuild that into the relationship.
Let’s assume that you have a relationship for some time and you really love your partner. Though, you have been caught having an affair with your girlfriend. Irrespective of how she caught you, she saw the text messages from your mobile, she heard you discussing with the other or saw you together, you must deal the situation if you actually want to save your relationship.
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Infidelity causes severe emotional hurt, rage, distrust, fear, shame, embarrassment; but an affair doesn’t have to indicate the end of your relationship.
Here are some helpful tips that may help you save your relationship:
1. End the affair – first of all, you must end your affair; if you decide to stay with your girlfriend, you should end all contacts and communications with the other.
2. Be honest – have a discussion with your partner it is very important; if she caught you in the act and she knows now that you have been disloyal to her, you have told her already many lies, so now you must make a clean breast; don’t deny, because this will make things worst;
3. Apologize her – even if you like it with the other, tell your girlfriend that you are sorry for the pain you caused her and assure her that you ended your affair; convince her that you really love her and you don’t want to lose her for a mistake
4. Talk to her – if she wants to know all the details, you’ve better tell her even if she will be upset, and let her vent her hurt and annoyance she will tell how she feels more than once but you should understand her and listen; don’t forget that it is your mistake that she feels like that
5. Identify the issues – identify usually points to fundamental problems in your relationship; examine your relationship to know what has contributed to the affair; some people cheat because they aren’t getting their needs met in their relationship; if she asks you why you did it, don’t be cruel; say it the truth but in a tactful way
6. Be accountable – if you had an affair you must be answerable for your actions
7. Give her some space – Your partner and you need a break from the emotional stress; you’d better discuss after she’s quiet down
8. Rebuilt trust – start with an opportunity to grow closer together; after infidelity, communication becomes extremely tense; but if you don’t communicate you can never heal and build trust again in your relationship
9. Determine your shared goal – ensure that both of you want to save your relationship
10. Go to a relationship counselor – to help you manage your relationship problems; it could really help you to keep your relationship
11. set ground rules – you and your partner can decide some rules for the future in your relationship so that both feel safe and secure.
At times after passing through a situation like this, the relationships become stronger than ever before. If, for instance, your partner refuses to forgive you for what you did, and decide to end the relationship, you’ve better respect her decision.
Infidelity Discovered? 10 Ways to Calm Your Powerful Feelings
When you discover about the affair, the first few minutes, hours, days and weeks can be expressively wrenching, to say the least. Or, if the person you deeply love starts “pulling away” you may also experience strong feelings. Read through this list and choose a couple of things you can do to help yourself during these times.
1. Walk. Run, if you are healthy enough to run. Work out. Let the blood flowing. Physical exercise draws off the adrenaline and physically you get better. You will recover yourself from emotional disturb.
2. Talk. If you normally solve problems by discussing it, look for someone who will listen as you pour out your heart.
3. Write. Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Spend that time for writing whatever comes to your mind. Don’t edit. Say to yourself, “OKAY, there it is. Now I want to get on to other things. I will come back and write more.” keep the writing in a safe place or you can tear it.
4. Find a quiet place where you can be alone for some time. Do you have a favorite stream, open field, film house, room, the chair where you consider safe and can “get away.” deliberately spend some time there.
5. Affirm a positive talk to yourself.” Tell yourself, “You are okay. You will be okay. This situation shall pass. What you are passing through is normal and will not destroy you.” Develop that “observing part” that can speak to your tumult.
6. Pray. Meditate. Use your spiritual resources, if you have them. If you don’t have them, this is the right time to develop them. Spirituality often confirm your value and allows you to see the larger picture.
7. Be aware. Take notice of your thought, how you are feeling and what you are doing. Pay special attention to these hunks of your life. Just noticing frequently creates distance from the disturbing pain.
8. Encourage the rhythm of your feelings. Your moods will come and go, usually as in waves. They calm and crash. Observe the intensity and frequency of the waves.
9. Get professional help. Supportive psychotherapy might be helpful. Individual and expert coaching, usually through telephone, is a helpful phenomenon that is more and more accepted as a way to find support and direction for particular problems.
10. Gather resources. Start reading, surf the internet and discuss with people about your circumstances. To tell you the truth, you are not alone. No situation that peculiar to anyone.
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Recovering from Infidelity
Most couples display unfaithfulness in their relationship today. Infidelity seems to be the main problem in many relationships in today’s society, as it has always been in the history of romance.
The initial step any couple must take in recovering from betrayal is to decide if the relationship must be or can be rescued. These are seven crucial questions to ask yourself and your partner to know if your relationship can live on.
1.) Is the history repeat itself?. In other words, has the adulterous partner shown signs of infidelity or disloyal behaviors in the past, or is this treachery a one-time thing?
2.) Do you notice that your partner owns up to what they have done, or do they make excuse?
3.) Do they recognize exactly what this has done to you, and how much they have upset you? Do they understand the magnitude of the situation?
4.) Are they really sorry for the option that they made, or are they just sorry that they were caught?
5.) Is this person willing to clear out the mess, and do what it takes to fix what they have done? Or, do they just want to forget about it and get going? Are they willing to quit their freedom to allow you to trust them again?
6.) Is doing this out of character for your spouse, or are they callous in other areas of your relationship together? Do they really care about how you feel or about your happiness?
7.) Is infidelity a part of their inheritance? Did they grow up like this, or is this new conduct for them that is not there in their past, including relatives and past relationships?
Consider what these questions mean to you and to the survival of your relationship. It is unreasonable to lie to yourself about the situation and ask yourself these questions sincerely. Don’t be scared to seek out professional help, and talk to them about the questions above. The biggest decision for you to make in the road ahead is whether or not you should try to save your relationship.