Married Name or Girl? Behind Last Name (Change)
Suffering from the Identity Crisis?
Call it the predecessor of Mommy Wars, the debate over maiden name change can be just as cruel and sad. It seems like a perfect solution, just as difficult.
Indeed, for many women playing names is a non-problem. In fact, The Lucy Stone League, an organization named after a woman who refused to take her husband’s name when she married in 1855, estimates that around 90 percent of married women today will cross their own names to take their husbands’ names. Hmmm, so is that big debate just a big illusion left from the second wave of feminists that burned in the 1970s?
Maiden Name After Marriage
Almost not. Because while most women say I do to take their husband’s last name, many of them struggle with concepts and decisions. A glance at some online forums dedicated to this topic confirms that this is still the main problem with judgment, perception or actual, which is rampant on both sides of the fence’s proverb.
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Even brides who do not suffer from the decision painstakingly realize the possible consequences of their married names and judgments that may be caused by other parties; Oh you took his last name? Well, isn’t that your home in the 1950s! And the curse is not exclusive to one side. On the other hand, you might hear, So you made a hyphen for your last name?
Do you feel insecure so you feel the need to assert your independence with every signature written? And so on and so on women’s assessment by fellow women seems to begin with a change of maiden name after marriage; continues until the next hot button problem is whether working outside the home or not. And we all know that no one will solve this problem in the near future.
As such, it is understandable that many women involved a struggle with the idea of future maiden name change after marriage. If you are one of those women who seem unable to find an easy answer – the perfect solution – relax knowing that you are not the first woman to wrestle with that concept, and you certainly will not be the last.
Reasons for Women Refusing
Changing your maiden name after marriage is never easy; in some countries, you must get a new SIM, passport and credit card. Then slowly you change your subscription, membership card, address book. The process is uncomfortable and time-consuming, but this doesn’t even take into account how long psychologically to accept a newly married name as your real identity. The root of the dissonance lies deeper.
Identity – let’s face it the thought of changing the name stamped on your birth certificate can look like a door slamming shut on that woman. For many women, this is a psychological transition that is difficult to accept.
Cultural Significance – Some women, especially from strong ethnic backgrounds, regard their maiden name as proof of a proud cultural background that is closely related to their character. Other names will represent an inaccurate description of their cultural identity. A woman of Asian descent, for example, might find it unreasonable to change suddenly into Smith or Jones.
Family History – Rich and multilevel family backgrounds may have given birth to a woman’s name that was forged with historical meanings that signaled generations of ancestors who overcame many obstacles to development in the new world. He may have a strong personal relationship with a name that he is not ready to shake.
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Professional Considerations – For women who truly build names for themselves professionally, they may find name changes too difficult or too expensive for their careers.
Genealogy – Many women feel a strong urge to make sure their family names stay alive. Maybe you are the last generation of your generation who can inherit a family moniker and don’t want to be the cause of a dying descendant.
Aesthetics – Yes, we all laugh at Julia Gulia, but many women face the possibility of marrying a silly-sounding name with their first name (a number of jokes come to mind), or a name that is very difficult to pronounce or spell. If you have become a Jones all your life, going to the name 5 syllables can prove a difficult transition.
Social Implications – For some, the tradition of women who change their names after marriage seems patriarchal and signifies a change of ownership from father to husband. You might ask why people still practice a symbolically oppressive tradition in this modern age.
Choice of Galore
Just like a number of potential personal reasons behind internal struggles, the range of naming options varies. Before making a hasty decision, realize that there are a number of ways you can find a suitable name.
Maiden in the Middle – Take his name but change your middle name to your maiden name. You can still have both names without hyphens that are often awkward.
Implications – This is a great way to respect your and your husband’s maiden name. You still have to go through the process of changing your name, and if you feel this solution does not precisely address the social implications of women’s ownership, this option might not be suitable for you. You might also like your middle name very much and hesitate to lose it.
Pass it On – Take the name and give your maiden name to one of your children; either as a first or middle name.
Implications – This is another good way to pay homage to your maiden name and ensure that it lasts for at least another generation. Again, if you have concerns with the idea of changing your last name altogether, this might not be the solution for you.
A Night and Day Difference – Take care of your girl name professionally and her name is social. You can continue and officially change your name while keeping your maiden name at work; among professionals (many celebrities do this).
Implications – This option seems to be a good compromise, but be aware that many people will be confused; especially if many of your social networks consist of professional acquaintances and vice versa.
Have it all – Add the name to your end to basically make two middle names for yourself. You don’t have to always use all four, and you both will have the same last name without confusing hyphens.
Implications – you will basically still have the last name; if this is a problem for you, this might not be the solution. You might also find that your maiden name is lost among four names from time to time.
Call in the Hyphen – Use hyphens to connect your last name with your husband.
Implications – This option allows you to have the best of both worlds. However, it can be difficult on the tongue and even the ears. Of course, there is also the whole puzzle: Mrs. Ade-Bamibo marries Mr. Afolabi-Ojo, and they have a son named Mr. Afolabi-Ojo-Ade-Bamibo. Because of this, many consider hyphens to be only a one-generation solution. You should be aware that your close relatives will all have different last names. There is something very unifying in introducing the group as The Adeleke Family.
Things to remember
Whatever name you choose, invite your future husband into your internal dialogue. If the decision is troublesome for you, let him know from the start; and discuss with him the reason you debated the name change. The final decision must be a comfortable decision for both of you and associating with others!
And what can we take from the ocean of confusion and countless naming choices? It is important to realize that the identity of a woman is ultimately not tied to her last name. Many women take their husband’s last name away from traditionalists.
Likewise, not every woman who uses her maiden name or a combination of both has a feminist fire from Lucy Stone. So yes, pondering whether changing your last name often involves an internal struggle; but we women should be happy to know that our true character is more complex than a name.
Many women find it difficult to change their maiden name after marriage if the perfect solution proves difficult to understand, rest assured that regardless of the name you take, you will always be yourself in all behaviors, weirdness, and weirdness that make you unique. Cheers to you!