The Marital Issue of Being an Expat Pair
What marital issue do you face as an expatriate couple?
Do you see yourself here by circumstances or is this your choice?
Is this a unique opportunity or something that you tolerate until your partner’s contract is complete and you can go home?
It is important to realize that the experience you have is your experience and it may be different from your partner. You might like this place; probably not. Or maybe the opposite. Many people manage the move and then, after the initial light of living abroad is lost, one partner becomes unhappy. Often it is a lagging couple, the person who follows his / her partner to your new location!
Make this a unique opportunity. To do something you always want to do, to stretch your creative muscles, to spend more time with your family, etc. If you always dream of writing a novel, join a group of writers and get involved with other writers. If you want to be fit, join team sports to improve your fitness and social networks. Have you ever thought about learning something that really interests you? This might be the ideal time and opportunity to do that! Or do you just want to spend more time with your spouse and family? How can you do it now?
Is your partner busy and involved in his work?
Do you find yourself more time than you know what to do?
Do you feel lost in the shuffle?
You may have to adjust to do more yourself and manage more home/family tasks than before. There are often times when you do things yourself when it will be fun to do it together. Realize that most of your expat friends are in the same situation. Look for ways to empathize and support one another.
How The Expat Pair Handle Marital Issue
Make this a unique opportunity to spend more time together with your children, if you have children or deepen and strengthen your friendship. Do you always want to do meaningful volunteer work? What opportunities are knocking here?
What does this step mean for your career?
Do you lose self-awareness?
Do you find yourself asking yourself? What’s in it for me?
Where / How do I enter this picture?
You might not be able to work or maybe you don’t want to. Whatever it is, adjusting to being a non-income breadwinner can damage your confidence. Have you ever thought of answers to stocks that you can pull when you meet someone who discounted you because you didn’t work? Don’t apologize for your position. State proudly. The decision you make to become an expatriate living in a foreign country shows that you like adventure and want to experience new things. “
Make this a unique opportunity. To find as many ways to enjoy the adventure of living in a foreign country. Do you always want to learn foreign languages? Now maybe then. Do you always want to take 6 months off and just spend time with your children? Win opportunities and make the best use of them. Who knows when it will reappear?
Do you feel isolated and alone?
Is there anyone who really understands what you are experiencing?
Do you miss your family & friends?
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Make sure you create a support network. You cannot depend on your partner to meet all your needs – they cannot do it and they may not be in your home country. Join the club, attend various events and try to get out. People don’t usually knock on your door and ask to be your friend – you have to get out and make it happen. Reach other people with the same marital issues.
You will find that expatriate friends often play the role played by the family at home. They are often the closest friends you have ever made. Remember you are all on the same ship. Find opportunities to support each other.
Make this a unique opportunity … to reach out and create a family abroad. Reach local families. Learn local customs, ask locals to teach you how to cook local dishes. Be creative. Look for opportunities to connect with other people. Take other people to your global family and enjoy this unique time in your life.
How do you handle the issues of life in different cultures?
Are you not sure how to handle the simplest things?
What are your needs and interests and how are they met?
You will have the opportunity to do things you have never done before. This is a great way to learn new skills that expand and make you more independent. Things are as diverse as just coping in a country where everyone speaks different languages and learns how to manage in unknown situations, teaches you a level of freedom and autonomy that can empower.
Remember that other expatriates having the same issues in their marital life. You are not alone.
When you live somewhere for your entire life, you are satisfied with what the country has to offer you. You don’t take advantage of the opportunities it offers because you have all the time in the world; expatriates don’t. You are in this country for a limited period of time. Use it for your best benefit.
Make this a unique opportunity … To see and do as much as you can while here. Be creative. Think outside the circle. This can provide the solution you need. Take advantage of as many different opportunities as you can. Optimize every opportunity you get to explore and do different things.
Have a Soul Relationship with Your Spouse
Many of us realize that marriage is not the easiest relationship in the world, but why is it so difficult? Unless we adopt children, the only brothers we can choose are our partners. It seems like it should work, right? We cannot change our parents or choose new relatives, but marry – ahh is a very different thing.
Marriage brings out the best and worst characters in a person and shows us what we can do, both positive and negative. This special marital issues- our mental, spiritual, social, and physical selves. Unfortunately, human’s natural reaction to difficult situations or stress is a fight or an escape.
So after a few major disputes with partners, frustrated couples guess their initial decision to get married. The wheels start to spin, and the flight response to stressful situations becomes more interesting.
But what can you do if the fire of desire is extinguished and only the angry one is left? How can you maintain the relationship of your soul with your partner even during times of conflict?
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1. Have confidence in the decisions you have made. Then realize that just as you usually will not divorce your mother or father when they upset you, divorcing your partner should not be the first thing that comes to mind when he upsets or disappoints you repeatedly. I know this is difficult, but it is a key factor in the success of your marriage.
2. If God is not at the center of your marital issue, consider welcoming Him in that situation. To get started, only one partner needs to make this decision, but the best is if you are both on the same page. Praying together, and as individuals, can provide a strong foundation for your marriage and give you greater insight into what your partner is most concerned about.
You can start with your own words or with a few books about prayer. A book that has helped me, and many people I know, have, Stormie Omartian: Power of a Praying Wife. This book covers everything from finance and careers to sexuality, affection, and emotion. This shows the wife how to pray for their husband, even if they feel they have no words. And it provides excellent advice for channeling frustration, injury, or anger into productive energy.
If you are a husband, try the Husband’s Power to Pray. Stormie asked her husband and other men for help in gaining insight and wisdom in writing this book.
3. Make mutual respect a priority in your communication. If you find yourself attacking each other personally, instead of discussing the pros and cons of a particular decision or action, then step back to reevaluate the situation. Choose the words that reaffirm while conveying your intentions. For example, instead of saying: “I hate if you don’t take the time to be with me … kids … etc. TRY” Remember when we did XYZ? It was very fun and the kids liked it too. Want to do it again? “SPOUSE’S REPLY HERE” Great! What date is right for you? “
Also, don’t let other family members – children, parents-in-law, steps, cover each other for your communication with each other. When they want to enter, * respectfully * have them come out. Then re-prioritize and refocus your attention on each other.
4. Listen even though you feel you have heard the same statement repeatedly. Sometimes ventilation is needed, and if your partner can’t release his mental baggage with you, to whom will they voice their concerns? Lack of listening skills in marriage is one reason emotional affair begins. If you take the time to listen now, you can avoid the headaches and heartaches associated with this extramarital relationship.
5. Begin the ritual only for both of you. Ideally, you both take the time to do it every day or several times a week. Engage in ritual behavior, such as sharing coffee, watching funny movies together or taking a walk, giving you something to look forward to and can help you build intimacy.
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6. Consider an organized marriage retreat. The retreat is very good because the facilitator provides a useful tool for couples to communicate, connect, and often mate. You will see other couples who are experiencing the same challenges, and you will have time to focus only on your relationship. There are no jobs, no children/in-laws, no friends who are well-intentioned, and no focus on life’s illnesses.
7. Finally, make points to go occasionally. This idea is in accordance with previous suggestions, but this time you and your honey will be alone. Whether you take your kids out of the house over the weekend or order a seven-day vacation to the Bahamas, you and your husband or wife need to extend your time alone without interruption.
These are just a few suggestions to help you renew your relationship with your partner.
Marital Issue and Strengths of Acceptance
Inevitably in life, we must face one issue or the other from time to time in our marital life or in our relationship. Sometimes they may be a bit of a disappointment, and sometimes they may be big, heartbreaking big disappointments. When this happens to us, we have a choice in how we react. Some of us may give up on our dreams, others may continue to fight hard against the flow, and still, others may choose another way to travel.
One important aspect of dealing with a problem in marriage is acceptance. When we continue to fight against our circumstances and disappointments, it can make us feel frustrated, bitter, and exhausted. Especially in times of life when things seem to go wrong for us, we become increasingly stressed when we try to fight unwanted circumstances.
Practicing acceptance can help soothe that inner tension and allow us to see our situation more clearly. Accepting your situation does not mean giving up! That does not mean that you must be 100% happy with your current situation. Acceptance means you acknowledge and accept where you are in your life right now, even though that might not be ideal.
Maybe you hate your job or your marriage falters. Maybe you struggle to lose weight and don’t seem to be able to do it. Whatever causes you to stress, try accepting it instead of fighting it. Repeat the following for yourself: “I may not be happy with what is in my life right now, but I accept it. I will do what I can and give the rest to God. I am grateful for the blessings that I have now, and I know that more things are happening. “
It may take a lot of practice at the beginning, but when you continue to do this, something extraordinary happens. The sudden struggle did not look so great anymore. They will not dissolve magically before your eyes, but the edges are a bit soft. Life doesn’t seem so hard anymore. Solutions to problems in our marriage might even begin to emerge. If that doesn’t happen soon, it’s okay! Know that they will eventually do it. Continue to practice accepting and having confidence that everything will turn around.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. We have where we are in our lives right now because we are destined to be here. Several factors may have contributed to our current situation, such as choices we made in the past, or outside influences that we cannot control. The question you need to ask yourself is: What is the lesson here? What do I need to learn about this situation? Even though you may not be happy with your current situation, there is a reason you are there now.
This is especially true if you constantly find yourself in the same situation! For example, if you continue to choose unhealthy relationships, you might need to take the time to find the reason. If you always struggle financially, there might be a message for you there. If you can’t handle it yourself, you can consider seeking professional help. Sometimes outsiders can see things that we cannot do.
Whatever difficulties you face today, know that this too will pass. Difficulties don’t last forever. Sometimes the struggle is a hidden opportunity.